


D’you Know What I Mean?

by katy15307



Series: Be Here Now 1997 [1]
Category: Oasis (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-12 00:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7913134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katy15307/pseuds/katy15307
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noel finds himself back home, attending a funeral.</p>
            </blockquote>





	D’you Know What I Mean?

I was back at Mam’s. I didn't know how I was there, I don't remember going. Come to think of it, I don’t remember anything. What the fuck’s wrong with my mind now?  
The place was so silent like it never had been before and there was an unnatural cold chill in the air.  
I searched the house looking for her. I found Liam in our old room, stood in front of the mirror in his kecks. What the fuck was he doing up here?  
He didn't notice me so I stood and watched him. I had nothing to say to him, we weren't on talking terms. We never were and still we worked together.  
He carefully got dressed. He wasn’t checking himself out, fussing over his hair like he usually did. Each item of clothing was freshly ironed and laid out on his bed. Once his crisp white shirt was buttoned he tried to tie his black tie around his neck, he gave up after a few tries. He never wore them so he didn't know how. I considered offering to help but I knew he’d only tell me to fuck off.  
He finished his outfit with a black suit jacket. He never wore those clothes. Where the hell was he going dressed like that?  
He picked up a piece of paper and started mouthing words into the mirror, silently rehearsing what he had to say, before stopping himself, folding the paper and pushing it into his pocket.  
It hit me, hard, he was dressed for a funeral. My heart sank. Who the fuck died? Why couldn’t I remember? Mam… She had that fucking cancer scare a bit back. It couldn’t be her, she couldn’t be, she was fine. She HAD to be fine.  
I panicked, I went off to find her. She was too fucking tough, she’d never leave us.  
She was stood dressed all in black too, carefully looking at the pictures on the mantlepiece, us lot when we were little, typical family photos, they were taken a lifetime ago but they still meant the world to her.  
I was so relieved to see she was okay, alive and well but I realised it had to be someone else, our older brother Paul, it had been a while since I last saw him or even spoke to him, she had to be looking at those pictures because it was him.   
There was a quick knock at the front door and Paul walked in. He was suited up just like Liam, except his tie was done up.  
“Mam.” He went straight over to her and held her tight. “We’re going to get through this.”  
“I know son. I’m so proud of you all.” She tried to fuss over his outfit, straighten his tie but it was already immaculate. “Erm, Liam’s still upstairs, people will be here soon.”  
This couldn’t be for Dad, we hated him, death wouldn’t change that. He’d still be an absolute prick, dead or alive. The last time me and Liam saw him, he was simply trying to cash in on our fame. We just wouldn’t do this for him.  
There was another knock at the door, this time Bonehead, Guigsy and Alan walked in. They were all dressed in black, looking solemn too. Bonehead presented Mam with a bouquet of flowers. “I’m so sorry Mrs Gallagher, we all are.”  
“Thank you, boys, I’ll put these in water.” she said not knowing what to say, she walked off to the kitchen, returning moments later without the flowers.  
Liam and Paul walked down the stairs together.  
No one talked, they avoided eye contact, looking to their feet, until a car horn sounded and Paul pointed out that it was the car. They shuffled out, I decided not to follow, instead I went upstairs, to our old room, I could watch from the window.  
I stood in front of the mirror, the one Liam had used to get dressed. I saw myself and I suddenly heard the blaring noise of a train horn. My face was white, pure white apart from the blood trickling down my face and the dirt. My clothes were dirty and bedraggled.  
It all came back to me in a sensory flash worse than the baddest of trips.  
I always thought I’d go out in an overdose, not like this. Not a stupid, fucking accident, I was supposed to be in control of my destiny.  
I pulled the curtains apart and saw the hearse. My name was spelt out in light blue flowers on top of a coffin. I was in there, my actual fucking body.  
Looking up from it I saw the sky was black out there, as black as night.  
…  
I followed them to the local church, St Robert’s or St Bernard’s, something like that, I wasn’t too preoccupied by the name. Mam used to make us attend services there, she still attended all the services and now I was going to be buried there.  
As they got out the heavens opened, I’m talking torrential rain and they didn’t notice as it soaked their clothes.  
The lads, Alan, Bonehead and Guigsy, with Liam and Paul at the front carried my coffin into the church.  
Mam followed quickly behind them.  
They joined the I sat on the last pew right by the door, there weren't that many people but I was too freaked out to sit closer. This one must be my last private gig.  
The priest spoke his rhetoric, I sat through it boredly looking around watching my family and friends reduced to tears.  
As soon as he stopped talking, he ushered Liam to the front. He took a long look at the picture of my mug (somehow they’d found one where I was smiling and yet didn’t look off my head, I looked like a nice young man) before looking forward.  
He took that note out and glanced at it before crushing it in his hand.  
“What was I... thinking? I don't need something written.”  
I’d bet money he had to stop himself swearing there.  
“We all know Noel, he’s my brother, Mam’s son, Meg’s husband, your friend, your family. I’m not gonna stand here pretending he was perfect or that we all got on like we should but now I know, you always know when it’s too fucking late, how much he means to me, to all of you, to the millions he brought music to, now it’s time to say goodbye...”  
He could barely hold himself together, I’d never, ever seen him like this and I never should.   
“I miss you so fucking much, how could you do this to me? To all of us?” he questioned angrily as he stared at my picture.   
I wished I could go up there and tell him it was all a mistake, I was fine and he didn’t have to find a way to grieve for me any more, instead I was stuck, stuck watching me brothers, me Mam, me band in tears because of me. I tried to talk but we couldn’t connect.  
“Should’ve been me, not you, I’m the one always coming back here.” He couldn’t hack it anymore and just walked out.  
Mam shouted after him and Bonehead went to get him back.  
The priest stood up and spoke again, moving the congregation along to my grave. Two of my cousins took Liam and Bonehead’s place carrying the coffin. The rain was still pouring but I was still the only one to notice. The coffin was lowered into its place and the priest started talking, reading from the bible.  
Liam and Bonehead rejoined the service and the last words were said before everyone started walking away.  
I couldn’t help wondering what the hell was going to happen to me now. I’m supposed to be dead, in the next place or just plain in that coffin already. Do I get to meet my maker or what?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the existence of my Godkid I can't think of the lyrics "back into the hole where I was born" in the same way.
> 
> Progress is probably gonna be slow through this album since I dunno what hardly any of them are about other than being overly long coke madness - that's not even a criticism anymore.


End file.
